Yeah I know. I never fucking write anymore. Actually I do, but the entries never make it past the paper journal.I feel uninteresting. I'm doing nothing and having the same circular thoughts over and over about what I think I ought to be doing.
I was going to take a trip to Virginia this spring to meet someone from teh intarweb. I wasn't even going to mention it in this diary until I was actually leaving, because it seemed cooler that way somehow. But anyway, I changed my mind, for good reasons and bad. I feel I should try and get my life somewhat in order here before I go running off to The Great Satan to meet some boy. Which is a wise decision and all, but do you know what efforts I've made to get my life in order since deciding this? I've done squat.
On the bright side, I finally actually have the desire to better myself. I spent all winter with a mighty obnoxious "fuck it all" attitude, and it seems I'm finally shaking it off. Spring seems to have this effect on me every year, and not a moment too soon.
I'm finally starting to realize that I'm probably not in the right place to be anyone's girlfriend right now. I've been saying it for some time, but only now is it truly beginning to sink in. I'm still wanting for a sense of identity. I need to spend more time pursuing my own interests and figuring out who I am, or who I can be. With such little sense of self as I have now, I'm liable to get completely wrapped up in another person as an escape from the uncertainty and what I guess I feel as the emptiness that is Me.
< /pretentious pathos>
This should probably be the part where I swear off men for a while, but I'm really not sure I have that kind of restraint. So I'm just going to be honest with people and go with the flow, I suppose.
I've noticed that I have this knack for making friends who aren't from around here and are only in Toronto temporarily. There are only a couple of exceptions. It's a bit unnerving. I think it has something to do with the vast majority of Torontonians being so damn shallow and aloof. Yes, I'm making a sweeping generalization. I don't care. Prove me wrong.
That's all.
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