I've been pretty moody since I got back from vacation. Lot of moping and sadness and clinginess and other pitiful behaviour.

I'm wondering if I need to go back on antidepressants. I'm thinking that my problems are that I'm lonely and jobless and lost as to what I'm going to do with my life, and that the solution to those things are making friends and finding work and figuring out what it is I'd like to do with myself, and that antidepressants won't fix that. But then I think that maybe it's the way I'm dealing with these problems and the sense of hopelessness I'm feeling are the real issues and that maybe my brain's doing those weird bad chemically imbalanced things again that makes it so hard to snap out of it.

Of course, I'm not eating very well and that can't be helping either. My brain doesn't have the fuel it needs. But then eating healthfully seems like such a chore. Every book will tell you something different, every person who gives you advice will tell you something different, I have to plan meals, buy all this food, eat it by a certain time before it spoils, take various vitamins and supplements ... all this work, and I don't even know if I'm following the right plan. Why can't nutritionists just figure it out and settle on one method? Ugh. As someone with type II diabetes running rampant in my family, I don't trust a food guide that would have me eat five to twelve servings of bread products per day. As someone who knows that human beings were never intended to consume cow's milk in any shape or form (and is also somewhat lactose-intolerant), I don't trust anyone who tells me to drink lots of milk. And as someone who has heard far too many things about the importance of omega fatty acids and whatnot, I don't trust those "avoid fatty foods at all costs" eating plans either. I mean, Christ, surely there's a difference between the fat from an avocado or a piece of fish than the fat on a battered onion ring, right? No, I don't like those old school low-fat diets one bit. But I also don't like the way I'm eating, because I may be losing weight, but I'm getting no energy whatsoever from meal replacement bars. But it's so much easier than trying to plan everything .. that in itself seems like a full-time job to me. I'll do it for three days and then I'm too fed up and exhausted to continue. Seriously.

So anyway .. to recap .. I'm moody, depressed, lonely, and physically unhealthy, and not sure how to deal with any of it yet. God, I'm a fun read.

That's about it for now.

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