OK, question time is over, I think five days was plenty of time. Funliness.I really need to stop "inventing" words like that.
Does it bother you when you see people who aren't talking to you signing other people's guestbooks and being all kind to them, or am I the only one? No matter how useless it is, I can't seem to stop myself from sitting about and brooding. If only I hadn't acted like such a dumb shit ...
Too late.
I've become a bit inert once again. Maybe I should go back on the antidepressants and then gradually ween myself off when the time is right. I did quit cold turkey a couple of months ago, after all. There is very little in my life I feel I've got a handle on right now, if anything. I'm getting no hours at work. I keep putting off looking for new work, like I'm paralyzed, or like I'm a small child who can't do anything for herself. My floor of the house is a hideous disaster area, and no matter how I try, I can't seem to make it clean. My weight has seemingly skyrocketed out of control. I feel ugly. I feel dumb. I feel sad. I feel blah.
I feel good when I'm with James, or when I'm out with other people. I have good times. It's just that once I find myself on my own again, I feel lost and incompetent in running my own life.
So I avoid the things I need to do, the things that are right around me. I go online, I distract myself, I talk to people .. I talk to people I've never actually met, some of whom are great (and some who don't seem to come online enough these days), I occasionally torture myself in Diaryland Chat, and I have fun (less so in Diaryland Chat, but still), and things around me are left undone, untouched, and what have you.
And so someone asks me what I've been doing all day, and the answer, for all intents and purposes, is "I sat on my jumbo family-sized ass".
Yeah.
I'd love to go on more about how I'm wasting my life, but right now it's lunch time. Let's see if I can find something that won't help increase my girth.
A happier entry next time, perhaps. Perhaps not. Time will tell.
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Ripest entries on the vine
Huh. - Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2006
Another Diarylander jumps on the LJ bandwagon - Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2006
Moving on? - Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005
Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
so
have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
