I'm a little pissed off.I'm pissed off at my whole online situation. Or maybe just with specific people. Or maybe I'm just hurt. Whatever.
I'm pissed that someone will stop talking to me, block me from their contact list, and that I won't even know anything was wrong until weeks, maybe even months later, because I hadn't been online much ... and then not even know WHY I've been shunned. It can't be that I bored them too much, because I simply wasn't around enough to bore anyone. No, it's obviously something personal. And it won't be resolved, either, because the only reason anything was ever resolved the previous time something like this happened was because I spent a couple of weeks pestering, pestering, pestering, being incredibly upset, and telling everyone I knew how upset I was, and damnit, I am NOT going to do that this time. Not that it would do any good this time, anyway. If it's about what I think it's about, there's no way I'll be believed or even listened to. But fuck it, I know I didn't do anything, and I haven't got the energy for this. I wish that made it hurt a little less, but really, it doesn't.
Then there's not being able to talk to someone else I really like, someone maybe a little too important to me, because stuff happened and things changed and they now find conversation with me awkward and depressing, and telling them "OK, I understand, I won't bother you, blah blah", and meaning it, because I love them and don't want to depress them or make them feel awkward (no, I'm no martyr, and I'm not trying to make myself out to be one, OK?), and taking their name off my contact list so I at least won't have to know when they're online yet not talking to me (which is all day) and be all hurt about it, but damnit, couldn't they at least respond with a "Thank you, I know you're hurt, but things are just weird right now, and I do want to talk to you again eventually"?, or even something remotely kind without the promise of future conversation, just to make me feel less ... oh, I don't know .. suddenly insignificant? No ... of course not. Because it's not like I'm a human being or anything.
I'm a little pissed off, yeah. I thought at first that I was being selfish. Well maybe I am, a little, but I still say I'm allowed to be upset, and this is my damn diary.
You know, watching my rats power-groom each other does kind of make me smile a bit, though, in the midst of all my bitching.
It's entries like this that make having a "secret" diary unnecessary. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what the consequences of an entry like this might be.
As a side note, I should mention that I do still have some great online friends. They'd just better keep being my friends, or I might have to swear off the internet. And when I'm all out of Belgian waffles ... well, that's the day I'm outta here. Ohhhhh, how very cheesy of me. I hope he doesn't read that.
OK, to completely change the subject, I'm going to Wasaga tomorrow with a bunch of girls from Mississauga to stay at a cottage for the weekend. It's just a girl thing, so the guys (the guys being James and his friends as well as the girls' boyfriends) will probably be doing all of that male bonding stuff at James' cottage. Just as long as his cottage isn't swarming with loose local girls, I'll be happy.
So yeah, these next four days should be fun. Wow, fun, imagine that. I haven't had that in a while. Fun, that is.
I guess I need to get a good night's sleep so that I won't oversleep tomorrow, miss my bus to Soggyland and tick off five other girls by making them late for all the cottagey partying.
Goodnight. See you in four days.
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