Life is frustration right now. I want a lot of things I don't have, and can't have without all kinds of struggling and waiting. I want to be thin. I want a better job. I want real money. I want to move in with James, in a place of our own. I want to be thin. Yes, I know I already said that, but it should count for more, because I just hate my body so much right now.

I'm an addict. Food is my addiction. I will spend every last cent of my money on food when I don't even have enough cash to last me until my next paycheck, the way a drug addict will spend all their money on crack, or whatever their drug of choice. And I can't exactly go to rehab for a food addiction, can I? It's hard to avoid food. People will say to you, when you tell them you're trying to eat healthier, they'll say "Oh, come on, just a little ice cream, whatsa big deal?". Would these people say to a recovering drug addict "Aww, come on, it's a special occasion, just have a little wee snort, won't you?"? No, they wouldn't. Unless they're complete assholes.

I don't even care how superficial it seems. I want a lean body more than just about anything else in the world. It's about time I succeeded in my fat loss efforts.

No more diary entries for me, until I've started to lose weight. I've decided.

Bye for now.

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� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
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