I haven't gone to sleep yet, and I'm not going to. If I do, I will inevitably wind up sleeping all day, and be wired all night. Again.So awake I shall remain. Until tonight.
Mwuahahahahaha!
Oh, speaking of demonic laughter ... Look, look at what staying up all night does to me! It possesses me to make exorcist faces for my webcam out of sheer boredom ...
"Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrence."
"Keep away! The sow is mine."
Oh dear.
Perhaps I'll go out and do some shopping today ... it can't hurt to get away from this thing ...
You know, it's occurred to me that I have some friends, or mere acquaintances, even, who tell me I should live a little, be more forward, less shy. But they really prefer me to be mousey and awkward as always. They just like SAYING things like "C'mon, live a little!" and "Don't be shy!" and such. When I speak openly or do something un-shy, they can't seem to deal with it.
That's kind of funny.
I'll stay shy. Timid. Meek. I'll stay that way just for you. You like it. It gets your juices flowing, admit it. You're always in charge.
Woah. Who exactly was I just talking to there? I honestly have no idea. I do believe I'm losing my mind. Those photos were evidence enough.
I like boys quite a bit. (Why do I always say "boys"? Well. "Men" sounds weird. Sounds like I should be calling them "Daddy". Ick. I know, I know ... I'll be 21 soon .. but still. It just feels weird to say "men". Besides, I frequently seem to have a thing for the ones that are a year or two younger than I am. Not all of them are ... but the vast majority of them have been. I don't know why that is. Maybe I should just say "guys". It's nice and generic. Yes. Guys and chicks. That works.) Er, anyway, as I was saying ... I really like boy--er, GUYS. Many of them. At a distance. Through a computer. Through icq. Through Messenger. Through my mind. Oh dear. I'm afraid of real live boys. Help me. Why am I being this way? I don't even know. I like that it's easy to find intelligent people online ... the searching process requires mere typing and clicking and such ... no bars, no clubs, no awkwardly asking for phone numbers to write down on scrap paper with shaking hands ... it's faster, more efficient, easier to weed out the morons with less hurt feelings to worry about ... easier to contact someone, less fear of rejection, less intimidation ... easier to get into someone's niche, read their writing, see how their mind works, pick their brains ... oh, it's a glorious universe we've created here on the web, isn't it? Now if only more of the people I was interested in lived in the same friggin' city as me ...
In honour of that last paragraph, here's a picture of me in wannabe nerd mode. It seemed fitting, what with my defending my cyber-geekiness so militantly ...
"Where's my guitar? I'll give Lisa Loeb a run for her money, by God!"
OK, I think it's time to go and make some coffee and trick myself into believing I didn't just stay up all damned night.
Ciao for now, my pretties.
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� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
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