I went to the 24-hour variety store to buy me some food. I returned at around 2 am, unlocked the door, walked inside, turned on the light, and shrieked in horror.

There was an earwig on my sleeve.

This same thing happened to Brendan the other day when he was over ... only the earwig was in his hair. I think there's something about the path into my house that attracts earwigs. Earwigs and snails. But snails don't make their way into the house. Actually, no, wait, I'm wrong ... once it actually did happen. I have no idea HOW, but it got inside and made a good 5-inch trail of snail goo across the carpet before it was noticed. I still don't understand how it got in ... it's not like we leave the door open for long periods of time. Maybe this snail was on steroids. I bet the other snails were jealous.

Christ almighty ... did you read what I just wrote? Clearly I should be sleeping, not attempting to write diary entries at nearly 4 am. Why do I do this? Oh, note that I wrote another entry earlier, like this evening or something. Give it a read, will yas?

We've got our new appartment we'll be living in in Toronto until the new house is built in the Beaches. Our appartment is right smack dab in the middle of downtown Toronto. Smack fucking DAB! Yowzah. I'm in the big leagues now.

I have to go. I need rest. But first I should probably shake myself off & check for earwigs.

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� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do so have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?