Wow, long time no entries, huh?Bite me. I've been *preoccupied*. Wink wink.
Yeeeeeeeah.
I'm SUCH a dork ....
My hair is now RED. I like being a redhead. Why do people think blondes are so damn special? Red is decidedly hotter. It's so much more �. spunky. Yeah. Sexy. Feisty. *Grrrrrowl*. (No, it's not growling like that whole Riot Grrrl bullshit ... no no no. I'm not one of *those*. I just like to growl. OK? Okay.)
When I first got this done last week, it was, like, Burst-of-Flames Red. With coppery streaks. I was talking to Brendan on icq before he'd seen me & my Hair, and I described it to him as being red like Geri Halliwell's hair in the Spice Girls' "Say You'll Be There" video, where she played "Trixie Firecracker". Yeah baby.
*Ahem* -- SEMI-UNRELATED TANGENT AND HUGE DIGRESSION FROM ORIGINAL TOPIC HERE -- I don't care if Geri Halliwell was the worst singer, the worst dancer, the oldest, the fattest, the least "pretty" Spice Girl. She was the HOTTEST. There's NO denying it. Listen to her voice .. yeah, it's kinda flinty. Scratchy. Slightly off-key. But SEXY. Look at her move. She's hot. She likes sex. It shows. That's what makes a chick hot. Evidence that she LIKES SEX. Look at chick celebrities ... first take Gwyneth Paltrow. Bony. Awkward. Stiff. Demure. Sexless. Unsexy. Totally unsexy. Don't try and tell me otherwise. Then look at Angelina Jolie. Compare her physique and body to Gwyneth's ... they're similar in build, I think. Both skinny. Lanky. Boney. All elbows. Not much bust. Angelina may even be MORE skin & bones than Gwyneth. But watch her move. Look at that grin. That swagger. Those bedroom eyes. Hear the way she TALKS. OK, ignore the whole last year's Oscar thing where she looked like Marilyn Manson's long-lost sister and gushed about her incredibly homosexual-looking-yet-somewhat-attractive brother. Forget THAT. But hot damn, she is one ripe-lookin' bitch. Get my point? Well. I hope you do. If not, you're just stupid. Or unsexy. Or something like that. Go shop at the Gap. Go watch "Friends". Go and be with all your other white-bread middle-class unsexy friends. I think white North American middle class people are the most unsexy of all social or ethnic groups. We truly are. We're sooo not hot. Blacks, Latins (wasn't Jennifer Lopez hotter when her hair wasn't blonde and she actually looked Latin and had that hot Latina booty, which has DEFINITELY lost most of it's "oomph" by now .. damn those dieting, over-exercising celebrities and their de-sexing of themselves), Europeans (think Italian & French) ... all hot. All groovin'. Orientals are sexier than us too ... they may seem more repressed and rigid, but hot damn, what about those Thai hookers? What about all that kinky Asian porn? East Indians are sexier than us too. Need I remind you who wrote the Kama Sutra? Middle Easterners are hot. Think of those arabian women. Belly dancers, snake charmers (that music is sexy, I swear), tigers, genies ... OK, so I'm being WAAAY too stereotypical here .. I really know very little about the Middle East, but hey, the legends and mythology's all I've got to go on. That and Aladdin. So I apologize to any hot person of Middle Eastern origin who is reading this. But I bet you're sexier than I am. Yep. North American people are the sexually neutered, the homogenized, the decaf-yupped-up-SUV-driving-Gap-shopping-Friends-watching-Alanis-listening-golf-playing-Disney-loving-suburb-dwelling-bad-dancing-anally-retentive-Kraft-Dinner-eating-nuclear-family-puritanical-calorie-counting-khaki-wearing BORING UNSEXY PIECES OF ASS. That goes for the men AND the women. Why oh why? Is it up to ME to go and be HOT for all of North America? Do I have it in me? This'll be a challenge. I know I'm hot, but GEEZ. I doubt I have enough sex appeal to convert all of middle-class North America from neutered & spayed to Ripe & Juicy. *Sigh*. I need some help here, all you wannabe-sexy people. Be sexy with me. The people need us. And bad. *Ahem* -- WE NOW RETURN TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING. TANGENT OVER.
Anyway, back to my HAIR. Seems now the red's kinda faded ... still red, but not, you know, FIERY. Which I miss. So I think I'm going to become this total hair dye addict, dyeing my hair every goddamn week to keep the whole ripe-ripe-red thing going on. I don't CARE how fried or overprocessed my hair gets ... at least it'll be that funky-ass red. Shirley Manson red. Ripe Tomato Red.
Yeah. RED. Mmmmmmmm. Red.
Have I mentioned how kickass Brendan is? Have I? Well he is. He is so very. Kickass. Some day soon I will write an entry that explains why he is so kickass. Soon. Yes.
In the meantime ... read this episode from Brendan's webpage. He says I'm a ripe sex goddess. No one's ever called me a ripe sex goddess before. 'Bout time SOMEONE noticed it.
Well anyway, time for the sex goddess to go to bed. Goodbye and thanks for listening. Or reading. Or watching. Or whatever you're doing, you perv.
Au revoir.
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Ripest entries on the vine
Huh. - Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2006
Another Diarylander jumps on the LJ bandwagon - Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2006
Moving on? - Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005
Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
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have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
