Wow. Everyone seems to want to know about this GUY I mentioned in my last entry.Oh, I know none of you have actually ASKED about him ... but I can totally sense your burning desire for the DIRT. Gawwwd, mind your own damn business, will yas? Quit it. Get a life. Whatta bunch of voyeuristic busybodies y'all are ... christ almighty!
Yeah. I know you want to know. A whole bunch of you have told me you read this ridiculous diary thing regularly. So don't pretend you haven't heard the news. Admit it, you're secretly ACHING for more information.
Either that, or you really don't give a rat's ass, hence the complete & utter lack of requests for MORE DETAILS on said guy.
In which case, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU? HELLO?? I, Lara, the one who up until recently appeared to be TERMINALLY SCREWED in the guy department, mention a new guy and no one's even *remotely* interested in hearing about it? Excited? Ecstatic?? Envious??? Curious?????
Hmpf. Well I wouldn't let any of you in on the details anyway. Perverts.
Damn you all.
No soup for you.
OK, so I totally need new shoes. I have the money now, so what's stopping me? I just can't find any I LIKE. Why is that? I'm going to look for some tomorrow. Again. See, the problem is, there are too many white shoes in the stores these days. Adidas. Converse. Vans. White white white. I can't buy white shoes. White shoes have that "new shoe" look about them that just BEGS for ass-whoopin'. I swear. Gleaming white shoes = whoop-ass target. And then they get dirty. Then they look gross. It's a lose-lose situation, I tell yas. No white shoes. Not even those ubiquitous 3-stripe adidas they have with a million different colour choices for the stripes. I saw some metallic orange striped ones with orange laces. I'd get them if the non-striped parts of the shoe weren't that dreadful blinded-by-the-light white. Siiiigh. So the shoe search continues.
My god. I just wrote half an entry about SHOES. And you just READ it. Haha .. losers. That's what you are ... you must be. I mean, come on.
No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Really. I'm in a rather .. er .. feisty mood, I suppose. Yeah, feisty. Any of you WOMEN out there ever been called "feisty"? Know what feisty is? "Feisty" is the word a guy uses instead of "crazy-ass bitch" when he wants to get laid. Oh yeah. You know it's true. If a guy says you're feisty, it pretty much translates to "I think you're a complete ball-busting bitchy-ass hag ... but it kinda works for ya and I've got a major hard-on right now."
Not that there's anything wrong with that. But it's a lot like some guy telling you you're not "fat" .. you're "voluptuous". THAT basically translates to "Yeah I think you're chunky and all ... but I'll fuck you anyway." OK so that one's not original .. I heard some comedian chick say it. But it's still good. (TIP: Guys, next time, instead of "voluptuous", try RIPE. It sounds hotter ... and more cutting-edge. You'll probably get more action with that one .. that's my hunch. Try it and let me know how it goes. Deal?)
Hmm. I think I'm pretty good at these translation thingies. Maybe I'll do some more soon. Yeah. Like a Diplomatic English to Blunt-Ass English dictionary. Hmm .. I wonder if I can get myself a publisher? Seriously ... this could be a huge money-maker.
More to come ... for sure.
Damn, I'm just full of kickass ideas, aren't I?
Or maybe I just suck.
But who cares? I'm ripe. And I have a lot of money. And there's this guy. And ... and ... and .. yeah. And this entry is OVAH. Done. Finito. Adios.
Because I'm hungry and I have nothing more to say tonight.
You know I'll be back. I always am.
Goodnight.
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Ripest entries on the vine
Huh. - Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2006
Another Diarylander jumps on the LJ bandwagon - Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2006
Moving on? - Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005
Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
so
have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
