This is weird .. this whole .. me never updating anymore thing .. I really don't know what to make of it.So I'm still unemployed. I've been to Youth Employment Services, I've had a bit of help. I need to re-do my resume so it's not tailored for retail jobs anymore (I don't know if "excellent sweater-folder" will get me that data entry job I'm after, you see). I'm considering also looking for a job at a daycare, in case the office job idea doesn't work out. I dunno, though. I might go insane babysitting twenty or more kids every day.
I keep having this dream that I own way more rats than I do in real life (I currently own two, which James is supposed to be taking in this weekend), and only a few are in cages .. the rest are in my bedroom .. on my bed, under it, in my closet, or somewhere else .. without proper food, messing the place up, being smelly, and breeding like crazy, because for some reason I've forgotten I owned all of them and haven't been looking after them. I've read that dreams are usually about ourselves, and I have a feeling that the dream, and its constant reocurrance, means that I'm not taking proper care of myself, or various aspects of myself, or something. That would make sense. I'm not eating well, I don't exercise, I'm not keeping my room clean, and I haven't been putting nearly enough effort into finding a job so I'll actually have money again. Instead I've been sitting around playing The Sims or lollygagging about online all day, doing nothing in particular. I came to this conclusion sometime last week, and then stopped having the dream, so I thought that since I'd figured it out, I just wasn't having it anymore, but then I had the dream again last night. Well, I haven't been taking any better care of myself in the past week, so that would explain it.
Dairy products are giving me zits, yet it's so hard to stop eating things with dairy (drinking milk, now that I can do without .. ingesting milk "straight" really kind of grosses me out). But I yearn for a lovely, smooth complexion. I'll have to start finding food I like that's dairy-free. Woo! Chinese food it is! Except it's all crispy and greasy and fattening ... and .... delicious ...
Argh! Eating healthfully is so difficult when you've developed a binge eating disorder of some sort and have eaten badly for years and years.
I really need to get one of those agenda books. I'm so disorganized .. I need help. I'm having a conversation with someone online about attention deficit disorder, and it's making me aware of how much I really need to accept that I can't get on top of my life without some sort of system, or help. Seriously. I'm on Ritalin, but a pill doesn't just fix everything and make me an organized person. It doesn't work that way. Given the choice, I'd say the pill is less important than what you actually do with your time in order to get moving and planning better.
I'm hungry. If I had planned better, I'd have food in the house to eat. But I don't. So I'll have to figure something else out now.
Later.
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