I don't update this thing enough anymore.

I'm doing OK. I gave my male rats to Boo on Sunday. It was sad, and I'll miss their furry chubbiness, but I know Boo will take good care of them. Unfortunately, my mom drove me there and had to get back to Toronto right away, so she and I didn't get a chance to hang out or anything. I'll have to get James to drive me to visit her once he gets his insurance. Anyway, Boo's room is neat. It's all black and there are dragons covering nearly every surface.

I've got myself in this really shitty sleeping pattern of staying up online until four or five in the morning, and waking up after noon. So I need to do something about that. I've got my MSN in "appear offline" mode now, so as to avoid the temptation to start talking to people and losing track of time.

So I'm back on the antidepressants, and I'm taking my Ritalin once again. I just wasn't functioning the way I should .. I've been getting into that whole "it's all so fucking hopeless" state again, and that's just no good. When I get there, it's really, really hard to pull myself out. When the time is right, I'll ween myself off of the Celexa rather than quitting cold turkey like I did before, hurling myself into a hurricane of strong sensations. Hopefully that way I won't find myself flying off the handle when someone affectionately teases me, or crying over those emotional long distance phone commercials.

I'm supposed to be spending at least part of my days looking for a new job. I know I'm being a baby .. but I just really don't want to do that right now. I just want a few weeks to get my life in order ... get my floor of the house cleaned up, figure out a healthier eating plan, start exercising, call Weight Watchers, even. I guess I need to do that while I look for a new job. My doctor says I need to be able to imagine myself having a job I enjoy. I'm having considerable trouble imagining it, simply because I've never had a job I liked, and I associate jobs with, well ... damn near misery. No wonder I keep putting off looking for work.

Well, I'm actually getting tired. So I'm going to talk about this more another time. Thank you for listening.

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� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
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