Last night just ruled.James, his friend Kevin, and I all went to Sheridan college to see Dustin Diamond (oh yes, the Dustin Diamond ... Screech from Saved By the Bell, for fuck's sake) do some stand-up.
Actually, we almost didn't make it past the door, because of Sheridan's stupid uninformative flyer about the event. It said "students and guests welcome", and "all ages". Well, turns out each student was only allowed one guest, which is reasonable, but the flyer did NOT say that, and that although students of all ages were allowed in, all guests had to be 19 years or older. Why, I can't imagine. Of course, this wasn't mentioned on the flyer, either. Anyway, all of us are over 19, but James had brought both Kevin and I to the show, and neither of us are students. So the thug at the door told us to take a hike, at which point we turned around and asked if there were any guestless students who wanted to sign Kevin or I in. The thug said "If you ask them in front of me, I won't allow it." So I said something like "Yeah, you might wanna actually let us know this crap on the flyer so we don't drive way the hell out here only to get screwed over at the door, fucker!" .. um, well, only I didn't say "fucker", because I'm not quite that bold.
We were ready to give up, when James spotted the lovely Darkness further back in line with her boyfriend and a friend. I was so frustrated about the whole not getting to see Dustin Diamond thing that I think I just said absently "Oh, hi" to Dark, and nothing more .. which I feel badly about. Sorry Dark!
Anyway, Dark's friend agreed to sign Kevin in (we were far enough away from the door thugs at this point), so we made our way back to the door, where I sheepishly smiled at the door thugs and was admitted along with James and Kevin.
Dustin Diamond is no longer scrawny, and now sports facial hair. He was also pretty good with the stand-up. Sure, some of his jokes were old ones, kind of "meh", but some were damn hilarious. Plus, he gave us the Saved By the Bell cracks he knew we all wanted to hear. He also swore a lot and told potty jokes. I think that might've had something to do with the fact that he was doing stand-up for a bunch of smoking, beer-swilling college students. His act wasn't as filthy as Bob Saget's (yes, as in Danny Tanner from Full House Bob Saget ... seriously, that guy's raunchy stand-up act must be seen and heard to be believed .. ugh), but instead it was pleasantly dirty. I just wish the audience jerks would've shut up. They'd obviously just come to give "Screech" a rough time. I wouldn't dare ... I loved Screech. He was the reason I watched Saved By the Bell. I thought he was cute. No, really, I totally did. If I were Lisa Turtle I totally would've gone for him.
So ANYWAY, I still haven't mentioned the best part of the night ... autographs!
I got the Dust's autograph, baby ... and guess where I had him sign?
Oh yeah, baby.
Dustin Diamond signed my boob! Heee! I kept joking to James and Kevin that I was going to get him to do it, but I didn't think I actually would until I got in line for the autograph. I noticed he was left-handed, so I got all set to expose part of my right boob for him to sign. When it was finally my turn, I was like "Um .. will you sign some skin?" and he confidently, unhesitantly said "Yes", so I thrust my right boob forward and got the autograph. James said the security guys all leaned forward for a look, but he is my Sweetie, so he might've just been flattering me.
Then we lined up again after autographs to get a picture with the Dust.
He put his arm around me and said "Hey, Skin." .. so he totally remembered me. Eee! I was giddy all night. I just wish I'd thought of something to say to him. I mean, how often do I get to meet the Dust?
So yeah, that was my night last night, and I have the pictures to prove it. Too bad I look fat in both of them. Oh well. Check out RipeCam soon for some more flattering, tricks-of-the-light pictures of me and my autographed boob.
Later.
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