I came so close to giving up on online life last night.

I'm finding it brings me so much pain lately ... too many bad things going on at once. Being ignored and cut off by people I care about is my worst nightmare .. and then there's the constant arguing with someone I love dearly, then there's my jealousy over .. another thing .. and then there's a sense of being burdened with serious troubles I don't feel equipped to help people with. I get so sad, and so frustrated. My online life affects my mood to an unhealthy degree, it seems.

Meanwhile I have this great real life that I don't think I'm appreciating nearly enough.

I'm not leaving my online life though. I want to stick it out, I'm hoping this horrible crap I'm going through is all just temporary. I don't want to stop writing in my diary. It's important to me, for some reason.

I'll stay for now. I make no promises though. If I have another episode like last night, I might feel too overwhelmed. Last night was the first time in a long time I've really, really cried, long and hard. I was shaking really badly, too. So many emotions whirring about in me at once. I feel things so intensely, though I often don't show it, which I think confuses some.

I started another diary. I haven't decided whether I'll write in it much or whom I'll show it to, if anyone. Maybe I'll keep it locked. I don't know. I just felt that maybe I needed a more private outlet for what I'm feeling. But then there are certain people in my life I'd feel badly about hiding it from. I don't know what the best thing to do is.

I'm in a state of frustrated confusion, and I want to snap out of it.

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