*Ahem*. Before you read on, have you checked out the penis lamp yet? I want more opinions, damnit. Tell me it looks like a penis, and I'm not just depraved.Oh man. Help me. I'm now a free member at LavaLife. Why? I'm not sure. I wasn't impressed or even remotely intrigued by any of the local male members (heh ... male members ... I didn't even notice that until after I typed it) whose profiles I saw, and I already get hit on by too many random cretins online as it is. Not only that, but you have to become a full member (which means you have to PAY, of course) in order to actually send people messages. As a free member, you may only reply to messages, or send a member a "smile". Ugh. And they don't let you put any contact information (ie. e-mail, icq number, whatever) in your profile, nor will they permit URLs. Which means I can't direct anyone to this diary, which sucks (Then again, do I really need more icq messages from lonely single guys saying "I came across your diary, you're a very beautiful, witty and intelligent girl ..." which I invariably don't reply to because they're too damned cheesy? .. Um .. I'll get back to you on that.). So basically I'll only get messages from guys who've paid to use LavaLife, and frankly, I just can't see myself being interested in a guy who's paid to use a personal ad service. Picky? Perhaps, yes.
So far I've gotten several "smiles" from guys in their 30s (waaaay too old .. I like guys my own age or a bit younger. I like guys who don't have "careers" yet, are broke and "undecided" about their futures ... and um, if they're in residence or still live with their parents? Ooh baby, hold me down! ... Hmm .. I need counselling, don't I?), and various instant messages I didn't reply to because they were from guys with screen names like "COOLGUY123" or "LOVAHBOY" or some such, or their opening lines in their profiles said "I could be the one you're looking for" or "Looking for a special lady" ... ick ick ick!
And yet my profile is in there. In the "dating" section (as opposed to the "relationships" or "intimate encounters" sections), under the name "RIPETOMATO". I have a picture ... this one, to be exact. I mention almost no details about myself in the stats thing that shows up under your name (they ask for age, height, body type, ethnic background, smoking habits, drinking habits, religion, and location) aside from location, age, height (only because they don't let you leave that one blank, and the default height if you don't select anything is "3 ft 0 inches" ... and I don't need guys with midget fetishes hitting on me), smoking habits (because I figure it's good to let people know you don't smoke, right?), and religion (or lack thereof). Ethnic background? I have a picture which plainly shows how blindingly white I am, and besides, I find the fact that the site feels the need to use the word "caucasian" and then put "white" next to it in brackets a little insulting. If they're going to do that, why not just say "white" in the first place? Is that so wrong? Drinking habits? I dunno, I'm neither an alcoholic nor a non-drinker, and any other answer seems irrelevant. Body type? I considered selecting the "a few extra pounds" option, but then, I don't know, something about describing my body type in a personal ad just gives me that "piece of meat" feeling .. and not even in the good sort of way. I'd probably leave that one blank no matter what sort of body I had. No, really. Even if I was a pert, taut & toned young thing.
Ack. I just got a message from a 35-year-old man with this in his profile:
I am looking for a young lady who injoys life, and wants to experience life. When it comes to dating I want to be with someone who injoys adventure activites I do. I also love to be romantic! I feel this is an inportant factor. If it is having coffe, dinner,walk on the beach,or sharing a bottle of wine.I'm seeking a woman who is younger than me.
Ugh. A 35-year-old who can't spell the words "enjoy", "important", or "coffee", and may be a pedophile (or just wants someone too ditzy and uneducated to correct his spelling).
Out of depraved curiosity, I replied: "Why are you only interested in someone younger than you?"
His response?: "I have dated older women. I guess I want someone to help me stay young. Why do you ask? You think I'm too old?"
Ugh again.
I didn't feel the need to reply, since I had no desire to have a conversation with this man.
He then said: I can tell that you are shy about older men.
Ew ew ew!
OK, screw this. I'm going to delete my profile right now. All LavaLife is going to do for me is provide me with amusingly disturbing fodder for this diary. As much fun as that might be, I'm just not in the mood to share my conversations with idiots online on a regular basis ... that stuff gets old fast.
Done.
I am no longer a LavaLife member.
Well, this was a fun, pointless entry, wasn't it?
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Comments are temporarily out of order until I can afford to get a SuperGold membership again. Yes, that is also why all the images are broken. I apologize. In the meantime, please use the guestbook for anything you may wish to say. Thanks.
Ripest entries on the vine
Huh. - Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2006
Another Diarylander jumps on the LJ bandwagon - Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2006
Moving on? - Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005
Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
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