"I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhnaaaaahhhh!"That's the reaction I have to everything these days.
I did something that might be beneficial to my wellbeing. I'll let you know if it works.
I need a coffee friend. Wanna be my coffee friend, anyone?
Maybe I'll start frequenting a random coffee shop and see if anyone there will be my coffee friend.
Yeah.
I also need a date. Wait, no, that sounds really old-fashioned ... I don't mean like, a guy at my door with flowers ... oh, forget it. I just don't need another maybe-he-likes-me/maybe-he-just-wants-to-do-me guy friend, and I'm pretty sure I don't need a fuck-buddy (ARGH. I'm not fond of that term, but couldn't think of a better one that got the idea across. I'm sorry.). I've been there. I've done that. I don't think I'm cut out for it. What's the point of it all? It's all about booty. Booty is nice, but there's more to life than booty, right? Maybe I don't even know what I'm talking about. *Sigh*
I need to leave the apartment in order to meet people. I can't stay inside all day and then complain that I have no friends and boys don't like me. Why don't I go out? WHY?
I'm cute. I'm sweet. I'm fun. People will like me. They will!
Will they?
"Neeeeeeeeeeeeeyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! Whine whine whine whine whine! Suck it up already, you! Get your self-pitying arse out of that damn chair and DO something!"
That's my better half speaking. Er, not better half as in .. um, ack. Wrong term. We all know I'm as single as they come, right? So obviously by "better half", I meant, like, my sane, competent, take-charge, no-nonsense self, as opposed to my bratty, whiny, I-dun-wanna-grow-up self. My coach, if you will.
Hmm. Ripe the Coach, and Tomato the Whiner. Those will be my new alter egos from now on. I'm picturing it now: Two Laras. One is tough, badass, chews tobacco, and takes no guff. The other is mopey, whiney, sucks her thumb, and is constantly faking an ailment. Hmm ... anyone good at drawing cartoons? This gives me an idea.
Oh, guess what ... I found my naked chick pen! Did I ever tell you all about my naked chick pen? I can't remember.
I was at my dad's place several months ago and I noticed a hot-pink pen with photos of some babe in a bathing suit and high heels on it. I adore these cheezee sorts of naughty-girl novelties ... girly calendars, car magazines and such ... so I picked up the pen for a closer look, holding it upright and ... oh my .. the swimsuits peeled off right before my eyes! It was a nekkid girly pen! Before the somewhat discomforting thought that my dad might have purchased such a pen occurred to me, I was in heaven. I turned the pen upside down and upright again a few times, smiling gleefully at the naked ladies. "Bikini on, bikini off! Bikini on, bikini off!" (Remember, I don't get out much.) That's when my dad walked in. He saw the pen, and quickly explained to me that one of his students had left the pen behind after a class (I'm not sure how often I've mentioned it, but my dad teaches at York University. He used to be a history professor, but now he also teaches a billion other types of courses which I can't even recall. All I know is he's in rather high demand for various course-writing and teaching-related jobs, and that he's always busy as hell. A Jack of All Trades. Lah-di-dah.), and he'd been amused, and not wanting to ask "Is anyone missing a pen with naked women on it?" to a large class, he absentmindedly pocketed it and forgot about it, and it ended up where I found it. Of course I gave him the old "Oh suuuuure, a likely story!" routine, and then asked if I could have it. He gave it to me without so much as a raised eyebrow, as he's used to me.
And that is the story of how I acquired my naked chick pen, the pen that accompanied me to London, the pen that all of my Ripe Tomato on Paper entries were written with, the pen that, up until today, I thought one of the cleaning ladies had stolen. I finally found it under a couch cushion while digging around for lost subway tokens (yes, I know I'm a sad case, no need to point it out). I believe the return of this tacky little novelty has made my day.
Now I will bless you all with pictures. I apologize that these are the clearest shots I could get with the webcam, but it's probably for the best anyway, since blurred naughty parts tend to be deemed acceptable for family viewing.
Here she is, upside down, in her bikini.
Same girl again, different picture. Still tastefully covered.
Turn her right-side-up, and she's nekkid.
Nekkid again ... and lewdly thrusting her body forth ... oh my.
OK, that's all. Perhaps in my next entry I'll attempt to explain my fondness for looking at naked girls ...
Then again, maybe not.
I'm off ... Hope everyone has a wild and exciting Friday night.
*Winks and licks lips provocatively*
See you soon!
PS: Did you catch my fabulously embarrasing straw pictures from the previous entry? Check 'em out and tell me I don't make you hot.
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Ripest entries on the vine
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Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
so
have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
