This entry is a bit ... umm ... well, you'll see. If you're reading this diary for the first time (seeing as I just gave this URL to about 50 billion different people within the last few days), you might wanna start with one of the older entries, since this is most definitely not an example of a typical Ripe Tomato diary entry. Just bear that in mind before you write me off as some sort of flaky self-help book junkie.(I sincerely hope that one of these days I won't feel the need to preface my more serious entries with disclaimers like that. Am I really that insecure?)
Now that I have a stats counter for my diary (ah, reaping the benefits of gold membership already), I can see what entries people are reading. And it turns out there are people who are just now reading my really early entries, one by one. Which is actually pretty cool ... I mean, that someone who just started reading my diary would take the time to go through all those ancient entries.
So I started reading through my entries from way back ... for nostalgic reasons, I suppose. Man, was it weird. I mean, I only wrote those ones five or six months ago, and yet I'm amazed at how much I've changed since then. Not only is my writing different (at least I think it is), but my personality seems to have ... I don't know. Evolved? Maybe that's not quite the right word.
I guess it has to do with all the things I've gone through since then. Having a serious relationship, falling in love for the first time, moving out of suburbia after ten long years, leaving my parents and living completely alone in a new city for the first time ... and dealing with a painful, unexpected breakup with someone I was in love with during this already difficult experience.
Interesting how the experiences that inspire the most change and growth are always the most heart-wrenching experiences you have, the experiences that sometimes make you wish you weren't alive, or could go totally numb ... comatose until the emotional anguish subsides. The experiences that you don't always know you'll make it through before they're over.
I'm starting to think that pain is the price you pay for becoming a stronger, deeper human being. Or, more accurately, allowing yourself to feel pain is the price you pay. Basically, the pain will come whether you welcome it or not. The difference is all in how you deal with it. Try and hide from it or ignore it, it won't go away. It waits outside your door until you let it in. As long as you don't let it in, you're trapped in fear.
Try letting Pain in. Invite Pain inside for a cup of coffee. He's not so bad ... he just needs someone to listen to him is all.
So listen.
That's my new-age-hippie advice for today. I could go on with more and more bad metaphors like that, but I won't. Because I don't want you all to think I've flaked out on you. I'm still as ripe and cutting-edge as I always was. It's just that occasionally I need to be a little more vulnerable here. It is, after all, a diary.
Goodnight my friends ... sleep well. Perhaps we'll meet again tomorrow.
last entry
-
next entry
older entries latest entry profile notes guestbook cam diaryland
Comments are temporarily out of order until I can afford to get a SuperGold membership again. Yes, that is also why all the images are broken. I apologize. In the meantime, please use the guestbook for anything you may wish to say. Thanks.
Ripest entries on the vine
Huh. - Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2006
Another Diarylander jumps on the LJ bandwagon - Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2006
Moving on? - Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005
Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
so
have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
