You know what?I hate this black & blue combo. It has no pizazz ... it's not ME.
Shut up. I do SO have pizazz.
However, I'm feeling too damn lazy to change it at the moment. I spent too much time on it yesterday. So you'll have to live with it at least for today.
Today there was a bigass power failure in downtown Toronto. Apparently because of a fire on Front & Yonge. All the traffic lights were out ... and for a very short little while, there were no cops out to direct traffic. I didn't see any accidents, but it was FREAKY.
I was out shopping in Kensington Market today. It is so worth the walk through Chinatown to get there ... just don't inhale, and try not to knock over those overflowing baskets of sea-anemone-looking fruit thingies while you're weaving your way past the food stores (something I very nearly did today). I bought some more items to add to the funkay section of my wardrobe. Two wristcuff thingies ... whatever the hell they're called ... they're like those spiked & studded ones that all those badass punks and skids wear (haha ... skids. No one uses that word anymore. How eighties.), only they aren't spiked. They're just cool. The other thing I bought is a red velvety jacket ... one of those bolero jackets (I think) that only goes down a little past the tits. Now don't get any ideas ... I'll be wearing it overtop of another shirt. I may have a nice rack, but I prefer to keep 'em secure and covered, thankyouverymuch. Anyway, the jacket is cool. Trust me. If I ever get a gold membership or a real webpage (or figure out where to get free image hosting), I'll post pictures so that you can see funkay, badass Lara in her funkay, badass threads. And to think many of you haven't even seen pictures of bland, suburban-looking Lara yet ... wow. Some of you really have no idea what I look like ... I wonder what you picture. If you do in fact picture me. Don't tell me I'm the only one who pictures Diaryland people in my mind whilst reading their diaries. You guys do it too, right? I mean, even if someone describes themselves, it still won't give you a clear image of them. You have to use your imagination a little.
Incidentally, if you do want to picture me, I suggest you picture a cute, short, RIPE, brown-eyed, redheaded vixen with a nice rack and badass curves. Go ahead and humour me, will you?
Ordinary words that sound really funny to me for some reason ... especially when I say them over and over and over ... no, seriously, try it:
"pants"
"blue"
"enormous"
"buckle"
"fork"
"pickle"
"fun"
"milk"
"movie" (this one's really trippy ... "moooooooveeeeeee" ..... "mooooooooooooooooveee" ... doesn't it sound weird?)
Do you ever do that thing where you say a word so many times in a row that it no longer sounds like a word ... it's just a bizarre sound with no meaning? One time I did it with my name ... "Lara Lara Lara Lara Lara Lara lara lara lara lara .... lara. Lara? laaaaa-rrraaaa. Lar. Ra. LARA." .... ack. It made me giggle. It was almost like an out-of-body experience. And then when I read Microserfs, it talked about that weird feeling you get when you repeat a word enough times, which was cool, because I didn't know other people had that experience.
I'm not really crazy.
Then there are those words that I just think are fun to use ... words that have more common synonyms (ooh, "synonyms" sounds weird too, now that I think of it). For example, instead of saying "situation", "ordeal", or "incident", I prefer "fiasco". It just sounds more amusing for some reason. Especially if you're talking about something really serious, like murder, politics, or some major disaster with global consequences. And because I have a slightly dark, un-PC sense of humour at times, I like that.
"That whole bin Laden fiasco."
"The OJ fiasco."
"The Monica Lewinsky fiasco."
"The New Coke fiasco."
(Please note that I do not mean to trivialize any of those horrific, tragic, and/or perverse events mentioned above. Especially not that dreadful 1980s New Coke abomination. I'm just saying.)
Another word I like is "pretend". Not "fake", not "imitation", not "pseudo" (although that one works quite well in many cases), but the much more childish "pretend". It's not "processed cheddar slices". It's "pretend cheese". Those cheap-ass vinyl shoes you bought at Transit (which I guess I think of as a "pretend Aldo") are not made of "synthetic material". They're "pretend leather". It makes cheap, fake crap with fancy labels sound like exactly what it is. Plus, it makes the people who manufacture it sound really lame for trying to pass their shit off as high quality (I'm not saying I don't own any "pretend" products ... I'm just saying).
Yes, I really do give these things a lot of thought, don't I? Maybe I should be in therapy.
What do you think?
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� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
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