I've been online WAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much these past several days. I know it, and I'm not proud of it.It's just that ... well ... I don't know. It's like, the ONLY social aspect of my life right now. Aside from my family. I feel like I have nothing else to turn to.
It's just circumstance, I know that. It's not like I'm not cool enough to have friends ... it's just that I'm not in a situation where it's easy to meet interesting people. Like university. Or wherever it is that interesting people hang out.
In London all I did every day was pass out resumes, then come home when it got too late or when I suddenly realized I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday and had to get some food in my stomach before I got dizzy. That actually happened to me a couple of times ... in one case I nearly fainted as I was stepping off the bus, and the whole thing was very weird because even though I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, I didn't feel hungry at all. But more on my fucked-up eating habits some other time.
The point is, it was all work and no rewards in London ... no calls for interviews, no nothing. It was very exhausting, not to mention depressing. Now that I'm back in Toronto, I guess I've been feeling like I've needed a little break from all that shyte. Just for a week or so ... then back out with those resumes. But I don't even know what to do to relax or have fun while I'm taking time off the job hunt. If I had my way, I'd have some cool friends to chill with ... or at least some cool friends who would take an hour out of their schedule now & then to grab a coffee with me. Because I know that if I had cool friends, they'd all be busy as hell with university essays and jobs and shyte. Just like I will be, eventually.
Anyway, the point is, I don't know what to do. And I'm not ready to get back out there with the resumes for a few more days. I'm just NOT. This isn't laziness. This is an attempt at partial recovery from an emotionally draining month.
So I head straight for the computer. My icq contacts must all think I'm pathetic ... I'm online practically all fucking DAY. And none of them even talk to me. None. Ever. Unless I say something first. And even then, it's always really lame conversation they'll make. The kind of brief, polite conversations you might have with a bus driver or a cashier. They're just too busy, it's nothing personal, I know, I know, shut the fuck up. Stop throwing realistic, logical explanations at me, OK? I want to hear something that will make me feel really good, and important, and LOVED. Without having to ask to hear it. Something like "Hey Lara, wow, you're so damn smart and funny and cool ... I don't know why people aren't lining up to hang out with you. They're clearly on crack. Please come and have lunch/coffee/brunch/movie/whatever with me ... you adorable, feisty, vivacious, ripe little groovalicious thing, you!"
Is that asking too much? Is it?
OK, I know I'm complaining a lot here. I'm sorry. But if I can't vent here, I can't vent anywhere.
So .... vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent vent VENT!!!!!!
Thank you. I feel a little bit better now.
Now I'm going to type a whole bunch of random, unrelated things in separate paragraphs. Because I'm too tired to try and create any sort of "flow" ... but I'm not ready to end this entry just yet.
I really like the blue Kleenex Expressions box with the painting of the ships on it. It's my favourite.
I joined a lot of diaryrings today. I want more people to read my crap, and that's the easiest way I can think of to get more hits. Tomorrow I'm going to make a separate page for my rings, so I no longer have that chaotic mess of ring links underneath each entry.
Why don't people ever change their "away" and "n/a" messages on icq? Why let it say "User is currently N/A. You can leave him/her a message"? It's so impersonal. At least say what you're doing ... ie. studying, eating dinner, spelunking ... whatever. Just don't let your icq refer to you as him-slash-her. Come on, people.
Incidentally ... can someone tell me what the hell spelunking is?
I want to dye my hair red. Yes, I know it's already red, but I mean RED. Redder than the ripest of ripe tomatoes. Red like a fire engine. Red like a volcano spewing with hot lava. Red like a maraschino cherry. Red like your mom's ass after I spanked her all night for 25 cents a slap.
(Er ... sorry about that last one.)
Red hair is cool. Just because I'm a natural redhead, that doesn't mean I can't up the voltage a little. I'm gonna do it, damnit. Within a week, I will be crimson-haired. Yeah. I don't know exactly when this week. I have to get a hair appointment first. Because if I do it myself, I'll probably end up looking like I doused my head in ketchup. I'm not good at the whole do-it-yourself thing. I either need friends, or a hairdresser. So hairdresser it is.
Here's some information you don't need, and I apologize in advance, but: I'm experiencing severe that-time-of-the-month cramps right now. Christ. They are sharp. Why does this happen? Cramps are still an unexplained phenomenon. I don't get it. Why??? Make it stop. Please!
Say ... no wonder I've been so whiney these last few days. Maybe I was PMSing. I don't even know if I PMS or not ... I'm so damn sensitive no matter what time of the month it is ... it's hard to tell.
I just read an article in Jane magazine about anorexic equestrian girls. Apparently anorexia and eating disorders are really common with equestrian. I had no idea. Then I flipped the page after the article, and there was the monthly fashion spread, complete with one of the most disturbingly emaciated models I've ever seen ... and I've watched a lot of Fashion Television.
*Sigh*.
I'm very tired. I can't keep my eyes open, and I can feel my head getting ready to drop. I think it's time to get some sl---ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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Ripest entries on the vine
Huh. - Wednesday, Jun. 21, 2006
Another Diarylander jumps on the LJ bandwagon - Tuesday, Jan. 17, 2006
Moving on? - Thursday, Nov. 24, 2005
Because how complicated can elephant hunting be? I mean, they're so BIG and SLOW! - Friday, Oct. 28, 2005
Busted - Tuesday, Oct. 25, 2005
� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
so
have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
