Well I spent the night at the friggin' Royal York hotel Thursday night .. oh yeah baby.No, I wasn't there on a booty call. Unfortunately.
Thursday afternoon my mom called me from work to tell me that my cousin had just broken up with her fiancee, whom she'd been living with in Edmonton. Her family lives in Windsor. On her way back to Windsor, she stopped off in Toronto because her dad (my uncle/mom's bro) was there for the newspaper awards -- he & my mom were staying at the Royal York that night for the awards. Anyway, so my mom asked me if I wanted to get my ass to Toronto to hang out with my cousin while she was there ... and we'd all stay at the hotel. Of course I agreed. Not like I've got anything ELSE to do ...
Oh man. My cousin ... I should explain ... she's drop-dead gorgeous. I mean, like, tall, great figure, long blonde hair, the works, alright? She gets noticed from across the room, across the street, wherever she goes, she gets hit on. Constantly. She's never known anything different. It's all normal for her. She's about my age ... I think a year older.
So anyway, being all hot & everything, she never took any crap from guys. She could have anyone she wanted ... pretty much. Fair enough ... why deal with irritating shit from people when you can go find someone else? Makes sense.
Oh ... but then it happened. She met a guy who DIDN'T call her right away ... oh yeah. A challenge. The rest is history. They got together. Got engaged .. broke up & got back together god knows how many times. He cheated on her. Constantly. He was married. Supposedly separated. This was a problem.
When he finally showed her the divorce papers and bought her a nice rock, she moved back to Edmonton with him. I was horrified when I heard this ... after hearing her bitch about the slimeball last time they broke up ... oh my.
Well, turns out the papers were fake. The guy's still very much married. He had a wife and a fiancee at the same time, and was living back & forth between the two, lying about where he was, to both of 'em.
And now my cousin's left him. For good. He threatened to kill himself, and she told him that sounded like a plan and to go for it!
Go her!
I cheer her on only because she never had the balls to do this before. She was constantly defending the sonofabitch. Ugh. "Mom, Dad, you just don't KNOW him like I do!" I heard her say it.
But here's what's bugging me ... what is it with the Asshole Guy Phenomenon? How is it that he got her hooked when no other guy could? It's that old bit of advice to guys ... "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".
I want to kill these women.
These women who have tons of guys desperately wanting them, but only go for the assholes.
Because those nice guys that have no luck ... they don't get sent MY way. Why is that? I think I'll actually make some kind of arrangement with this alliance of chicks with bad-boy complexes. Ask them to keep on turning down those nice dudes ... but send 'em MY WAY damnit. Give them my card. We'll do lunch. Deal?
Don't get me wrong. I have met nice guys. I've even met one or two GREAT, FUCKING AMAZING guys. Well .. maybe one and a half ..
But there's always something getting in the way of my being with decent guys. Always something. Just shitty luck. So if I had a whole bunch more of 'em, my chances would improve. Like maybe one of them would actually live nearby, or be SINGLE, or NOT just have had a messy break-up (I seem to attract guys on the rebound ... why is that? I swear I can't even count 'em anymore ...), or NOT be so fucking busy with work or school that they barely have time to eat or sleep, let alone see me.
Yeah. Better chances. Totally. Send your unwanted nice boys my way, ladies!! I beg of you!
I'll even send ya some inconsiderate, arrogant pricks if you wanna make a Free Trade agreement of sorts ... I'll direct the dangerous, sociopathic, unattainable bad-boys your way, if you'll send those boring, predictable, respectable boys over to me -- just no born-again christians and no military dudes -- and I'll be one happy little bitch.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL, LADIES? I'D LIKE TO GET THIS IN WRITING!
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