Here's some stuff I wrote in the paper diary a week ago and didn't post.
Written at work on Monday, October 4, 11:30 am
Mondays are so slow. All weekdays are slow here, but Mondays are the slowest. Until I start writing in this thing. Someone came in the store just as I was finishing that sentence. Then they left, I started writing again, and someone else came in so I had to put it away again. It never fails. There will be no customers for hours if I'm doing nothing, but the second I decide to have a bite of my food, or go to the bathroom, or write in the journal, people start coming in. Sometimes I'll even reach for my snack when it's really slow just to get people to start coming in. It works, too. Of course, then I have to awkwardly stash whatever I'm eating back under the sales desk.
The customers that kill me are the ones who see something in the front window that catches their eye, and then spend ten minutes on the sidewalk peering into the window, straining to see what else the store might have. Wouldn't it be easier and no more time consuming to just pop in and browse for a couple of minutes? Seriously, those peering faces creep me out.
Then there are these other customers, usually they have European accents, who come in all tentatively and when I say "hello" to them they awkwardly ask me if I mind if they have a look around. They seem to think they need my permission to shop here. This makes me wonder how elitist European stores are. Or maybe that's just their polite way of saying "I'm just looking, so don't be all annoying and follow me around trying to sell me shit". Which of course I wouldn't do anyway. Oh well, who knows.
12:00 pm
My mom discovered a bead store in the area that sells everything you need to make all kinds of beaded jewelry. They have all these amazing, beautiful beads made of glass, crystal, abalone, wood, metal, gemstones, whatever. So I am going to learn to make all kinds of gorgeous things (they have instructions and classes), and I will wear them, and people will say "wow I love your necklace", and I will say "thanks, I made it myself, because I'm awesome". Only I probably won't say the awesome part, I'll just think it. I'm excited to get started.
12:53 pm
I've been playing the jazz station whenever I'm working because it seems to go well with the store. But so many freaking jazz songs are about being in love, and it's starting to get to me. So I just changed it to classical, and I think I'm going to keep it that way for a while. I wonder if listening to all of this jazz and classical music all day is making me more cultured. Of course, maybe it's not much different than feeding caviar to a monkey. They may eat it, but they're still just as happy eating bugs they find on the other monkeys' backs.
Back to the present.
So it was an OK week, I suppose. I got some jeans that actually fit my shrinking body, and I also got a new haircut and colour.
I like it OK now, in fact, I think it's pretty cool, but when I first got it I hated it because of the way the chick styled it. The bangs were so un-tousled and blocky looking and she flipped my hair out at the ends, so it looked like this horrible fifties wig. I wanted the bangs to look vampy, not like a dark-haired Doris Day or Marlo Thomas on That Girl. That was the other thing, it was way darker than I wanted it. I actually cried the second I got home because I was so upset. Normally I wouldn't get that silly over hair, it's just that I'd gone to get my hair done so that I'd feel better about myself right now while things are so rough, and instead I felt hideous. But anyway, once I washed it and re-styled it it looked fine. It's definitely an improvement over what I had before I went to the salon. I was starting to look like this. And don't get me wrong, I like John Lennon. I just don't want to look like him.
Last week was also good because I talked to James on the phone. Yeah, I called him. I decided it had been long enough and that I didn't want to wait for him to call me when he very well might be thinking the same thing about calling me, and turning it into some stupid wating game. It was such a relief to hear his voice again, and that he sounded glad to hear from me. The conversation wasn't awkward, either, it was comfortable. I'm glad we get along so well and that neither of us plays stupid headgames. We're supposed to do something next weekend. It will be good to see him again, I think. I hope.
I also got some news last week which is both good and distressing at the same time, but I'm not at liberty to discuss it here. Basically it's good news for me that is the result of some shitty circumstances, so half of me is bouncing off the walls while the other half of me feels quite terribly. It will turn out well in the end, though, that's my feeling. More on this another day when it's not a secret anymore. In the meantime, don't worry about it.
And lastly, I met someone from Friendster on Friday in real life whom I have a feeling I'll never hear from again, but oh well. I can't be bothered to sit around worrying about what people think of me anymore. The whole encounter just felt rushed and awkward to me, and I can't be myself in situations like that. If he wants to hang out again, that's cool, but if he decided to sum me up that quickly and decided that I'm not worth talking to again, then it's better for me that that be the end of it all.
The trouble with Friendster, also, is that I'm not quite so sure that the people who use it are actually looking for friends. For instance, I've been on Friendster for at least a year now, and I never got a single message from anyone on it until last week when I updated my profile and changed my status to "single". Since then I've gotten messages from several different people, and guess what. All of them happen to be single guys. I'm not necessarily saying that all of them are out to nail me or anything, but even so. It's an interesting phenomenon. That doesn't mean I'm not going to respond to any of them, because some of them seem like perfectly nice guys who really might just want to meet new friends. But it also doesn't mean that I'm not aware of the relationship between my singleness and the amount of messages I get. The thing is, just because I'm single, that doesn't mean I'm looking to date. I'm thinking that two weeks of being single after a two and a half year relationship is a wee bit soon for that. Wouldn't you say so? I'm not even used to referring to myself as "single" yet.
So I'm thinking maybe I should actually start messaging interesting people I find on Friendster myself, like girls and gay guys and other people who definitely won't be talking to me in the hopes of dating or nookieing. What, I can't make a verb of the word "nookie"? Shut up, if people can use words like "messaging" and "multi-tasking", then I can say "nookieing". Anyway, yeah, I think I might do that, because while I refuse to jump to conclusions about every guy who messages me, you can never be 100% sure about those straight men. Come to think of it, maybe I should beware of lesbians, too. Nah .. on second thought, a chick who wants in my pants might be fun.
Anyway, I just found out that my mom's bringing home Thai food for dinner soon, so this week is off to a good start. Did I mention we don't do Thanksgiving dinner unless someone else cooks it for us?
And I'm off.
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