Ahem ... guest writers are writing for me at the moment ... so before you sign my guestbook or email me to tell me how rude and horribly offensive I am and sue me for your ninety-seven year old great aunt's heart attack, please check to see who actually wrote the entry. Thanks.
Love, Lara
Thursday Morning. Listening to Air: The Virgin Suicides.Dear Diary......
Hi, It's me, Binky the cat. So I was sitting around smoking a bowl and drinking peppermint schnapps, when I had this crazy idea...."I'll fuck my ass pipe with a tomato." Then I had an even better idea, which was to invade this diary and bitch about unfair treatment of cats.
..........
What the fuck is up with dried cat food? Let's get something straight people, cats hate dried cat food! We only eat the stuff, cause we won't get fed otherwise. Seriously though, you try eating a bowl of dry turd pellets, that have a faint taste of chicken and horse assholes. It's gross, and does ungodly things to my bowells.
..........
Whitey: Hey Binky, what chu doing under these curtains?
Binky's ass: BRRRRRIIIIIPPPP!!!!
Whitey: GAH! It fucking stinks under here, what chu been eating, skunk puke?!
Binky: No, it's that damn dried cat food. I feel like I just ate a bag of nails and broken glass.
...........
Binky: Matey, check my poop deck, and see if there's a turd on board!
Whitey: Oh yeah, thar she blows! You've got full turtle head action going on captain!
Binky: Out of my way you scurvy feline, I have to drop anchor!
Whitey: Ey Ey sir!
..........
Binky: GGGGGAAARRRRR!!! AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! UUGGHHH IT HUURRRTTSS!!!
Binky's ass: *RRIIIIPP!!!*
Binky: AARRGH!!! I think I just tore my bat cave!! WAIT! Almost done.....AHHHHHH!!!!
...........
Are you happy now?! I'll be shitting into a colostomy bag, because your cheap dried cat food has destroyed my colon. Hey, since you obviously can't afford good cat food, why don't you go even further and just have me eat your ass nuggests out of the toilet! Fuckers.
Love Binkzilla
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� Ripe Tomato 2001-2005
Don't steal my shit. I'll send thugs. Oh shut up. I do
so
have thugs. Quit laughing! Look, just don't steal my stuff, OK?
