OK, so I live with my mom in this ritzy-ass downtown apartment building. We have a concierge. We have doors that lock with laser beams. We use access cards on the elevators to get to our floors. We have mirrory-looking windows, and the building is made of that fancy-looking shiny granite.Because our building likes to think itself classier than the average apartment building, it has certain rules of conduct. A dress code, for one.
Since I can't find the damn rule book anywhere, I don't know what most of the dress code includes. The only rule I am aware of right now, thanks to an incident that occurred last night, is that when we are in the common areas of the building (ie. anywhere except inside our own apartments), we must wear shoes at all times.
That doesn't sound too bad, does it?
Well, it's not, for the most part. However ...
The other night Crystal came over. She came on rollerblades, and had no shoes with her.
The Filipina/Latina/Malaysian/I-don't-actually-know-where-she's-from-but-her-English-is-less-than-stellar concierge lady working the desk that night wouldn't let her in with rollerblades. Not only that, but rather than telling Crystal she couldn't be in there with rollerblades, she locked the door with the laser beam so that Crystal couldn't get in. When concierge lady finally had the courtesy to go to the door and inform Crystal that she wasn't allowed in the building with rollerblades, Crystal naturally offered to take her 'blades off. That's when concierge lady informed her that merely wearing socks in the building was also unnacceptable. This gave Crystal few options, so she called me on her cell phone from the entrance of the building, informed me of the rather ludicrous situation, and asked if I could come downstairs and bring her some shoes so that she wouldn't be (God forbid) shoeless during our two-minute trek on the elevator and up to my apartment.
Yep. So I came down with shoes. Once we got on the elevator and the doors closed, Crystal began to take the shoes off, since they were too small for her. Well, now I know there ARE in fact security cameras on the elevators (I knew the parking elevator had one, since it's big and ominous, but the regular elevators have no visible cameras whatsoever. Sneaky.), because the elevator stopped, the doors opened up again, and up scurried concierge lady.
"Esscuse me, you muss keep you shoes on!"
Heh. Don't piss off the Shoe Nazi is the lesson there, I suppose.
Oh well. The point is, we both made it to the apartment safely.
We then played around with the webcam.
First we got nice and high ...
"Huh huh huh."
Crystal began to hallucinate and became convinced that she was in fact a vagabond chimp on the run from the Toronto Zoo. I thought it best to humour her.
I wondered what animal I ought to be. Crystal told me I looked like a raven. I don't really know what ravens do, I just know they're birds and they're dark and eerie and they fly. So this is me, being a raven.
"Hi. I'm a raven."
We continued to try out our acting skills ...
Here we play valley girls.
Here we play nerdy girls. ("You mean, you played yourselves", you say. Bah. We're hipsters, I tell you! We only look like nerds to the untrained eye.)
Here we re-enact the dreaded Shoe Nazi scene, with shoeless Crystal playing herself, and Lara playing concierge lady.
"You muss wear shoe!"
Then Crystal decided to give the camera some seductive tongue action.
Finally, this is us actually looking at the pictures we took.
All in all, a fun evening.
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