I should probably stop getting plastered on wine every time I stay at my dad's place ... I'm still hungover ... or just .. not feeling quite right .. my hands are trembling and I'm not sure why ... my head hurts a bit ... and my body feels numb and exhausted.My brain, on the other hand, is wide awake. It won't let me rest.
My dad and Dawn drove me home today. Here's what went on in my mind.
Oh look it's that nice house that the owners painted those hideous shades of yellows and browns I wonder how anyone can find that appealing hey I bet it's a lot of work to paint a house I don't think I ever want to do that I wonder what colour my house will be I wonder if I'll even live in a house hey look that dog's wearing a jacket I wonder if it's embarrassed to be seen like that I always think dogs look embarrassed when people watch them taking a dump I wonder where you get jackets for dogs anyway hey wow that's one damn ugly public school come to think of it all schools are kind of ugly aren't they and hey I'm tired did I have coffee today yeah I did I remember now maybe I forgot to take my Ritalin should I take one now oh what if I didn't forget then I'll have too much Ritalin in me oh well screw it what the hell is this music it must be Dawn's CD or something hey I can see the CN tower damn that thing is ugly and useless and I wonder why I haven't written about it in my diary yet that would make for a good rant oh shit my diary I wonder if my last entry freaked people out fuck why do I write entries like that anyway like anyone wants to know how depressed I am yeah really fucking interesting maybe next time I'll write about my lactose intolerance oh yeah that'll be good reading OK OK maybe I'm being too hard on myself I should stop worrying--oh fuck tomorrow I have to get that application form for that pre-university course at York that starts in May I wonder what that will be like I can't remember what the guy on the phone said damnit I hope I wrote it down somewhere shit why the hell did that cab driver just honk oh yeah I forgot Toronto cab drivers are assholes oh hey we're almost there hey dad and Dawn are talking about something to do with me I heard the words "when Lara was little" hmm I wonder what that was all about should I ask--Oh, here we are.
This is how I think. No pauses. Just one incomplete run-on sentence after another. My brain never shuts the fuck up. This is what it's like to be me.
It's amazing I can speak and write coherently. My thoughts are all frantic and scattered like some sort of post-modern nightmare.
Actually, that description is far too flattering. But I can't come up with a more accurate analogy right now.
I just heard my mom come in, which probably means I have to get off the computer. So I'll stop now. Maybe I'll write something later. Who the hell knows.
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