For the past few weeks I've been a miserable shut-in.

My job is terrifying me. I don't know if I'll be kept on staff because I'm so bloody nervous and I can't perform properly when I'm so bloody nervous. I'm eating horribly. I have no energy. I look like crap. All tired and weathered, like a chubby Keith Richards, 24/7. I haven't had money for a while now. Bob's not visiting anytime soon and whenever I talk to him I go completely batshit because I expect more from him than he can give me, and he lives a million miles away and that's not going to change and I have to just accept that and just STOP BEING A FREAKING LUNATIC, but that seems to be my default setting. I stay up all night and sleep until mid afternoon. I'm afraid to hang out with friends because I'm worried I'll be sulky in front of them and that this will either make them concerned or annoyed, and I don't want to fake being all fine and skippy. I seriously regret not getting a decent education and I don't know what to do about that now because I have no money and I don't know if any school will take me and I'm afraid to find out that they won't so it seems easier to just not do anything and sit around and be mopey. My hair's getting stupid and my clothes make me look like an overgrown skater brat. Oh, and to top it all off, I've become inexplicably hooked on the Gilmore Girls.

OK, I'm done now, thanks.

So yeah, I'm Little Miss Depressio right now. But sitting around feeling sorry for myself and being self-destructive is only making things worse, so it's time to stop that.

Tonight I went for ice cream with Dan, so that was a good end to my little hermit phase. And I will try to continue the trend and actually start making plans with people again. And I'll eat some fruits and vegetables. And once I get a paycheque, I'm fixing my damn hair and buying new clothes. Um, if I'm not fired by then, I mean.

I'm going to make myself happy if it kills me.

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